The Notebook

I haven't seen the movie in it's entirety, but I think I have seen the ending. I'm not really sure. Either way, I started reading the book last night. Books are always better, anyways.
At the beginning there is a line from another character, Gus, and he tells Noah that your first love changes you forever and you'll never forget them, something like that.
I was lying in bed reading, so when I was done I asked Kellen who his first love was. He thought for a minute and said that in high school,  there was a girl he really liked, and he thought that she had a lot of characteristics of someone he'd want to marry someday and that she was someone who he thought he could have loved.
Then he said, "But I've never loved anyone the way I love you."
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, I almost melted right there.
No one is perfect, and we're not perfect. But we try SO hard to be each other's best friend. It's funny...when you first get married, you are two people trying to bring your lives together and learn to live with each other.
Now, 4.5 years down the road, 2 kids, lots of tears, lots of laughs, heartaches and happiness, multiple car purchases, 4 moves and a house later...our lives are so intertwined that I don't know where I end and he begins. One of us usually says exactly what the other is thinking, and we laugh and say "that is so weird!"



But it is so fun.

Freeze

Today, I just want to freeze a few things and save them. I'm not talking about food. I'm talking about my babies.

My little baby is almost 6 months old (how is that even possible?!?!) That means we are halfway to Christmas! When I rock him to sleep and he is snuggled against my chest, with his soft slow breathing, his perfect little lips parted, and that wonderful baby smell...I just want to freeze him in that moment.
When Jonas tells me "I love you too, Mommy" and gives me a kiss on my cheek, I want to freeze that. He is 3, he is innocent and the world is exciting and new. Before I know it, he will be a teenager.

A few weeks ago, it was early morning, I think just after 1am, and I had nursed my baby back to sleep and was rocking him. I wasn't tired and I didn't want to put him back in his crib. I just wanted to rock him all night and hold him close. I finally put him back in his crib and then checked on Jonas before heading back to my room. He was sleeping soundly surrounded by his blankets and I stood in the hallway and just watched him. I wanted to go crawl in bed next to him and stay with him. I wished there were a way for me to always ensure that his life would be so good. It was one of those quiet moments where your heart is full of peace and immense gratitude, and you're house is quiet and calm and the stresses of the day are also sleeping.
The moment was perfect and it reminded me of my favorite children's book, Love You Forever:


A mother held her new baby and very slowly rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.
And while she held him, she sang:
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living
my baby you'll be.

The baby grew. He grew and he grew and he grew. He grew until he was two years old, and he ran all around the house. He pulled all the books off the shelves. He pulled all the food out of the refrigerator and he took his mother's watch and flushed it down the toilet. Sometimes his mother would say, "this kid is driving me CRAZY!"

But at night time, when that two-year-old was quiet, she opened the door to his room, crawled across the floor, looked up over the side of his bed; and if he was really asleep she picked him up and rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.
While she rocked him she sang:
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living
my baby you'll be.

I love that book.

Salt Lake Temple - Spiritual Sunday

Saturday morning we woke up, got ready and left our baby with my sister in-law, who lives near Tooele, and headed to the temple at 9:20. As we drove I told the hubs "we're not gonna make the ten o' clock, we're too late!" So we're running from the underground parking at the conference center, trying to get in on time. One of the ladies tells me "you've got about 3 minutes, if you can hurry you'll make it."
I got dressed in what I'm sure was record time, and I walk out to see the chapel emptying out and walking up. A worker notices me and another girl and tells us to just go on up, so we do! I get in and I can't see my husband in there, and the girl with me can't find hers either! Agh! We sit and wait, and they start to shut the doors at 10 and we both get up and tell them our husbands didn't make it :( we walk back to the chapel, and BOTH of them are sitting in there! They even had names already! It was just a horrible mix up of temple workers and time, and ugh!
What happens next? I lose it. Right there in the hallway of the Salt Lake Temple. I had my moms name in hand. I had gone to that temple with the intent of finishing her work. I did her baptism, confirmation and initiatory in the Boise temple, and I wanted to finish it with her endowment in Salt Lake. I just cried on Kellen's shoulder, so sad, so frustrated that there he was, sitting in the chapel waiting, while I was already up there!
I returned to the dressing room to get dressed and leave and when the ladies saw me come back in they asked why I wasn't in the session. Well, that just made me cry alllll over again, and it seemed like they all hugged me. I felt like a total loser! I was a blubbering mess of tears and sadness telling them "this was for my mom! I have a 4 month old and I'm nursing and I can't wait for the 11 session. He won't last that long!"

They suggested that we do some sealings, and that way I could still see the celestial room and be able to be in the temple. So I meet up with Kellen in a sealing room, and I'm still crying. He tells me "let's do the 11, Gage will be fine, and if we don't do it your whole day will be ruined. You came here to do this, we have to go through."
Wow, could I be any more of a pain to those poor ladies in the dressing room? I showed up AGAIN telling them that now I'm going to do the 11 o'clock. They were all happy, though. That's the great thing about the temple, all those people really are just there to help you.
So, we did it. It was really nice. I was sitting in there and thought "I'm FINALLY in the Salt Lake Temple!" After YEARS of looking at it from the outside, I had finally gone in.
It was beautiful. I loved it. Every piece of artwork, every detail, from the carpet to the chairs, I thought it was all perfect.
My baby survived the separation (although, I was in a bit of pain by the time we were reunited...it had been almost 7 hours since I'd fed him!!) and I have no regrets. I did what I went to do, and now her work is done.

Best Utah trip ever.

Excitement - Whatever Wednesday

This weekend is taking FOREVER to get here. It's only Wednesday, and Monday and Tuesday both went so slow! Tomorrow is my husbands birthday :) He'll be 28. Wow. I keep teasing him that he's not 28, he's "almost 30"! He doesn't find it quite as funny as I do.
For his birthday we decided to take a weekend trip to Utah, just us and the baby. Our crazy 3 year old gets a 3 day sleepover! (Which means that when we get him back on Sunday afternoon, he will most likely be horrible from the super spoilage).
Our main purpose of the trip is so we can go to the Salt Lake Temple. This trip is important to us for several reasons, but one of the reasons is because I have always, always, always loved the Salt Lake Temple. For as long as I can remember, it's the temple I wanted to be married in. That obviously didn't happen, and we got married in the Idaho Falls Temple. So this will be our first time to go through Salt Lake, and I seriously can't wait.
Besides the temple, there will be shopping, hanging out with family, and eating. Lots of eating. PF Changs, Crown Burger, Nielsen's Custard (which just opened in Rexburg this week, woohoo!) and maybe Moochies Meatballs. There is a gryo place down there that we saw on Man vs. Food, and I love me a good gyro!
I can't wait. Hurry, Friday!

Spoiled - Whatever Wednesday

When I first married my husband, there was no way he could fall asleep if I was too close to him. And to be honest, I liked my space as well :)
Over the past months we have grown so much closer to each other because of things that we've had to go through together. Our choice was to either come together or go it alone. The choice was relatively easy, and it's safe to say we love each other more today than we did 6 months ago, and more than we did 4 years ago.
For awhile now, I have been falling asleep in my husbands arms. It's so odd, because 4 years ago there is no way we could have fallen asleep that close to each other.
It feels safe to me, it feels warm and it feels like home. I am grateful each night that I have him in my life. We even talked about it a few days ago, how strange it is that we can sleep that way now.
He spoils me. He tells me he loves me so much more now, and I can feel it. And I love it.
He found this song a few years ago and told me it was 'our song'. It truly is 'our song' now. (just um, disregard the random make out at the beginning...)
Our love has changed. At first, I didn't want those changes, I wanted things to stay how they had been. But it was for the better. He is truly my best friend, and I am so spoiled.

*ok, for the record, things aren't always perfect, but sometimes it's good to take a minute and reflect on how blessed we really are....

2nd Dose - Todder Tuesday

Ok, I seriously had no intentions of making two posts today...but how can I NOT blog about what just happened?

I had been nursing my baby in his room, and he had fallen asleep so I was trying to burp him. I assumed J, my ever trustworthy toddler, was doing something to keep busy...and then I heard the front door being unlocked. He has left the house several times, which worries and upsets me because I have told him and told him to NOT leave the house. I thought, well maybe he is just opening the front door and won't go out. Then I heard the storm door open and close. Great, I thought. He's gone.
I stood up with baby G, trying to be as gentle as possible so as to not wake him. I come around the corner from the hallway and see J disappear around the door. From the quick glimpse I caught of him I was able to assess that he had no pants on and no diaper on. He was wearing black tennis shoes (no socks), and an Incredibles t-shirt.
Yup. Naked from the waist down. And I had a baby in my arms and half of my shirt still up. I couldn't go out and get him without risking public nudity myself! Thankfully, and I have no idea why, he actually listened to me and ran in the house. I had to call the hubs and tell him about it, and he said I should have taken a picture. Yeah, right! My main concern was getting him in the house before he ran down the block!

Normally, this would upset me, possibly infuriate me, but today it just made me laugh. When he saw me watching him his eyes were huge and he looked like he was freezing out there. Perhaps the weather was a bit more chilly than he thought it was when he stripped off his diaper....

Fairy Tales - Toddler Tuesday

Last Friday, I had been watching highlights from the Royal Wedding (is that supposed to be capitalized...?). I said to J, "I want to be a princess..."
His response?
"But I don't want you to be a princess!" I asked him why not?
"Well, because I just want you to be a mommy."

Alright, little buddy, you get your wish this time :)

Save It For Later - Toddler Tuesday

I just laughed so hard my stomach is still cramping. Why? I came home from mutual and opened the fridge. At the bottom of the fridge, perched perilously in front of the vegetable drawer, was a mystery object covered by a dishrag. I asked Kellen what it was; he had no idea. I reached down to uncover it and found a large cup, with a SMALL amount of milk in it. The fact that it was in there wasn't what killed me, but the fact that Jonas had thought to find something to cover it up with was what got to me. I just cracked up and lost it. Kids just have the most hilarious thought processes.
I will get in bed tonight with a smile on my face :)

He Is Risen - Spiritual Sunday

Today is Easter Sunday. Two things that I love about Easter is that it gives me a day to remember two of the most important things in my life: my Savior and my family.
My oldest son was born on Easter morning 2008. I was so happy that his birthday was on Easter, because what better way to remember our Saviors life and sacrifice than by holding a newborn baby. Perfect and free of sin, just like Christ. And because of the suffering that Jesus endured in Gethsemane and on the cross at Calvary, I can always have my babies with me, in this life and after death.
I can't even begin to imagine what his disciples must have felt as they watched their Lord and Master hang from the cross, each haggard breath bringing Him closer to the finality of death. This man that they loved and looked up to, that they learned from and walked with. I am grateful this Easter Sunday that my Savior accomplished the final task. He didn't turn away, even through excruciating pain and suffering.
The Atonement of Christ gives us an escape from the chains of sin that can bind us. But it also gives us comfort in our darkest moments and hope when all we see is despair. I find a great peace in the knowledge that no matter what my circumstances in life are, the Savior has felt my emotions. He has experienced wonderful moments of joy and happiness, and also moments of pain, sadness and hopelessness. Everything I feel, I share with him.
I experienced something in my life 6 months ago that I thought I would never have to go through. I spent weeks (ok, months) feeling angry, hurt and confused. There were days where I literally could not get myself off the couch and out from under the grief that seemed to be swallowing me whole. I knew that the only way to overcome the trial I was facing was to rely wholly on my Savior. And so I did. I intensified my scripture reading. I played hymns in my home every day. I kept a prayer in my heart at all times. It was nothing short of a miracle when I felt my pain slowly subsiding. In some of the most horrible moments, I can remember feeling as if someone were sitting with me, arms around me, holding me and sharing my grief.
Those moments were a witness to me that CHRIST LIVES! That the Atonement is not just for those who have sinned. The Atonement is for me. For every moment of pain that I live through. For my broken heart. For my joyful heart. D&C 101:36 reads: "...for in this world your joy is not full, but in me your joy is full."
Our Savior wants us to have joy in our hearts, not despair, guilt or fear. And so He gave us the ultimate gift. He gave it to me, and He will give it to you.  He died and lives again, so that we too may live again.

Banoffee Pie - Tasty Thursday

I made this pie last weekend, and wow. It was REALLY good, but REALLY rich. I ate a super tiny sliver of pie, because the sweetness was intense! It was incredibly easy, though, which was awesome. The recipe I'm about to link to calls for a can of sweetened condensed milk. You boil the can in a pan of water for 2 hours and it turns into toffee! Yeah, how cool is that? However, I didn't feel like watching it boil for 2 hours so I used a can of Dulce de Leche.

I used the Albertsons brand Fudge Striped Shortbread cookies to make my crust. It was yummy, and a nice change to just a normal graham cracker crust. I think the crust would also work good for a homemade ice cream pie.

The pie was almost gone the night I made it, but we had a few slices that held up for another 2 days. I would not keep it any longer than that, the bananas on the 2nd day were pretty brown and not as attractive, but Kellen said it still tasted just as good.
Anyways, you can find the recipe here @ Smashed Peas & Carrots.

image from Smashed Peas & Carrots, and I put just as much chocolate on mine, and it looked AMAZING :)

The Sickies - Whatever Wednesday

spoiler alert, this post is a bit of a downer...but whatever! it's what's on my mind:

Sometimes life sucks. I am so tired of Gage being sick. It has been almost 6 weeks since he has been totally healthy, and that is 6 weeks too long for this mama. I am tired. Tired of trying to comfort him when nothing seems to work. Tired of listening to him cry because nothing is working. Tired of his 20 min naps that should, in all reality, be 2 hour naps. Tired of Jonas being so mean to his little brother. Tired of Jonas being so mean to everyone! He used to be such a fun kid to be around but as of late, he has many more bad days than good ones. I literally can't stand to be home with him the majority of the time. Yes, I know that's horrible for me to say. I should be grateful that I get to stay home with my kids! I should cherish every second that I have with them on this Earth! I should thank God that I have been entrusted with such innocent spirits. But...that is all just too much today. And I do have those feelings, they are just rather infrequent sometimes. 
I've thought about getting a full time job somewhere. I feel like if I'm working away from home, I'm a better mom when I am home. I appreciate my kids more, I value them for what they are, and my patience isn't pushed to the limit. But working would require daycare, and I don't like the thought of putting Gage in daycare where he will be left in his carrier the entire day. I also refuse to give him formula and I doubt I could keep up with him if I had to pump, and I'd worry if I had left him with enough milk at daycare. Siiiigh, what to do, what to do....
I have come to the conclusion that not every woman is made to love motherhood and feel like that is her one and only role in life. But then I wonder, maybe all mothers feel this way, and they are just all putting on a front for everyone else to see. And if that is the case, well then...let's have a toast for honesty. Sometimes it just. sucks. 
I suppose I will immerse myself in some Mumford & Sons and hope that an escape is just around the corner...

"You'll be happy and wholesome again when the city clears and sun ascends." 

Bowling - Snapshot Saturday

the hubs beat J and I in bowling...

General Conference - Spiritual Sunday

Last weekend was General Conference. I seriously LOVE General Conference. When I was younger I really never watched the sessions. I don't think it was until I got married that I really started to enjoy sitting down and watching it in it's entirety. 
One thing I love about it is that it always seems as though SOMEONE speaking says exactly what I need to hear. Elder Holland said "If we teach by the Spirit and you listen by the Spirit, some one of us will touch on your circumstance, sending a personal prophetic epistle just to you." How true that statement is! And how wonderful. 
Wonderful that one person can speak to millions of people, and send a message directly to someone in need. 
I loved Elder Scotts talk, "The Eternal Blessings of Marriage". He shared some things he had done for his wife over the course of their mortal lives together. He told of an experience he had with his son who was sick at the time; caring for him in the middle of the night and consoling him. Several months later, their son passed away and he was grateful for that time he had with him, to love him and care for him. 
You could feel the love that he has for his wife on the other side of the veil. That is the kind of marriage I want to have, the kind I want to work for.
I could write for days about all the things I loved about conference, but that was ultimately my favorite talk from the 4 sessions that I watched. Conference weekend is so uplifting, so positive and filled with hope. Monday rolls around and I always wish that I could keep that spiritual high for the next 6 months, until the 
October Conference. 
All the talks are available to read, watch and download on the Church website. Read them. Embrace them. Your life will be greatly improved. 

Coke Slushies & Grilled Cheese Waffles...? - Tasty Thursday

I came across this article with ways to repurpose some of your everyday kitchen appliances, and I really like a few of the ideas. My favorite:
Using your ice cream machine to make Coke slushies...I'm thinkin' Dr. Pepper slushies for me, and Sprite slushies for J, mmm! Check it out here (it also tells you how to make frozen hot chocolate..hmm).

(image from real simple article)

The next one that I thought looked interesting for sure was: grilled cheese in your waffle iron. My husband thought it sounded gross, but he also thought you used waffle BATTER. Um. No. The instructions can be found here, although I think there are a few typos in the 'how-to'. If you read it, it doesn't quite make sense, but it's pretty basic. Make sandwich ---> put in iron. It's not rocket science.

Anyways, I definitely want to try the grilled cheese.

Talk, Talk, Talk... - Toddler Tuesday

My 3 yr old, "J", loves to talk. He was a quiet kid for a lonnnng time, and then once he started talking...he never quit. I hear his voice in my head even when he's not around! He always cracks me up, and he tries so hard to talk like an adult. He has also started using his hands when he talks, which makes him seem so much more serious/hilarious. A few funny things that have made me laugh lately:
We were all pretty sick with a nasty cold last week, and my home teachers wife called and asked if we would like dinner. I said yes, of course! I was so exhausted that I knew it would just be another grilled cheese night. She let me know that they would bring some spaghetti over. Jonas asked if he could have some dinner with us and I told him "yes." He asked what the home teachers were bringing and when I said spaghetti he threw his hands in the air and said "Oh! That's HORRIBLE! I don't like that!"

He has also been saying "Lady Gaga" lately, which completely confuses me since I don't listen to Lady Gaga? Maybe we rocked out in the car once and he remembers?

There are countless other things that he says and I just have to laugh. He is such a sweet boy, though. I was having an especially rough time a while back, and as I was crying he came over and said "Don't be sad, Mommy. Dad will be home from work soon to hug you and make you feel better."
Little kids are so sweet :)

p.s. why don't kids come with volume control???

First Post

I quit updating my personal blog back in 2009. We moved back home (Eastern Idaho) and I figured, why should I blog when my family and friends are here to see everything? But I miss writing out my thoughts, and I miss sharing those thoughts with other people. Solution? A blog with varying topics that I want to write about. 
I have no intentions of posting daily, but when I do want to post, all I have to do is check the list and see what that days topic is. 


Spiritual Sunday - most likely something from church that day that I learned...

Make It Monday - I'll share something I have made, whether it's crafting or sewing or...whatever!

Toddler Tuesday - What I've learned from my babies :)

Whatever Wednesday - Wednesday is a break day for me, I can post about WHATEVER is on my mind.

Tasty Thursday - I love to cook, so I'll share my favorite recipes/cooking blogs/etc.

Faithful Friday - I most likely won't be posting on Sundays very often, so Faithful Friday gives me more of an opportunity to share my thoughts and feelings about my faith.

Snapshot Saturday - I love photography, so this will give me a spot to share some of my favorite photos, or even just pictures of our everyday life. 

If you're reading this, I hope you enjoy the posts :) Become a follower, and if you especially like a post, just click one of the 'share' buttons underneath each post, and spread the joy :)