The Notebook

I haven't seen the movie in it's entirety, but I think I have seen the ending. I'm not really sure. Either way, I started reading the book last night. Books are always better, anyways.
At the beginning there is a line from another character, Gus, and he tells Noah that your first love changes you forever and you'll never forget them, something like that.
I was lying in bed reading, so when I was done I asked Kellen who his first love was. He thought for a minute and said that in high school,  there was a girl he really liked, and he thought that she had a lot of characteristics of someone he'd want to marry someday and that she was someone who he thought he could have loved.
Then he said, "But I've never loved anyone the way I love you."
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, I almost melted right there.
No one is perfect, and we're not perfect. But we try SO hard to be each other's best friend. It's funny...when you first get married, you are two people trying to bring your lives together and learn to live with each other.
Now, 4.5 years down the road, 2 kids, lots of tears, lots of laughs, heartaches and happiness, multiple car purchases, 4 moves and a house later...our lives are so intertwined that I don't know where I end and he begins. One of us usually says exactly what the other is thinking, and we laugh and say "that is so weird!"



But it is so fun.

Freeze

Today, I just want to freeze a few things and save them. I'm not talking about food. I'm talking about my babies.

My little baby is almost 6 months old (how is that even possible?!?!) That means we are halfway to Christmas! When I rock him to sleep and he is snuggled against my chest, with his soft slow breathing, his perfect little lips parted, and that wonderful baby smell...I just want to freeze him in that moment.
When Jonas tells me "I love you too, Mommy" and gives me a kiss on my cheek, I want to freeze that. He is 3, he is innocent and the world is exciting and new. Before I know it, he will be a teenager.

A few weeks ago, it was early morning, I think just after 1am, and I had nursed my baby back to sleep and was rocking him. I wasn't tired and I didn't want to put him back in his crib. I just wanted to rock him all night and hold him close. I finally put him back in his crib and then checked on Jonas before heading back to my room. He was sleeping soundly surrounded by his blankets and I stood in the hallway and just watched him. I wanted to go crawl in bed next to him and stay with him. I wished there were a way for me to always ensure that his life would be so good. It was one of those quiet moments where your heart is full of peace and immense gratitude, and you're house is quiet and calm and the stresses of the day are also sleeping.
The moment was perfect and it reminded me of my favorite children's book, Love You Forever:


A mother held her new baby and very slowly rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.
And while she held him, she sang:
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living
my baby you'll be.

The baby grew. He grew and he grew and he grew. He grew until he was two years old, and he ran all around the house. He pulled all the books off the shelves. He pulled all the food out of the refrigerator and he took his mother's watch and flushed it down the toilet. Sometimes his mother would say, "this kid is driving me CRAZY!"

But at night time, when that two-year-old was quiet, she opened the door to his room, crawled across the floor, looked up over the side of his bed; and if he was really asleep she picked him up and rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.
While she rocked him she sang:
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living
my baby you'll be.

I love that book.

Salt Lake Temple - Spiritual Sunday

Saturday morning we woke up, got ready and left our baby with my sister in-law, who lives near Tooele, and headed to the temple at 9:20. As we drove I told the hubs "we're not gonna make the ten o' clock, we're too late!" So we're running from the underground parking at the conference center, trying to get in on time. One of the ladies tells me "you've got about 3 minutes, if you can hurry you'll make it."
I got dressed in what I'm sure was record time, and I walk out to see the chapel emptying out and walking up. A worker notices me and another girl and tells us to just go on up, so we do! I get in and I can't see my husband in there, and the girl with me can't find hers either! Agh! We sit and wait, and they start to shut the doors at 10 and we both get up and tell them our husbands didn't make it :( we walk back to the chapel, and BOTH of them are sitting in there! They even had names already! It was just a horrible mix up of temple workers and time, and ugh!
What happens next? I lose it. Right there in the hallway of the Salt Lake Temple. I had my moms name in hand. I had gone to that temple with the intent of finishing her work. I did her baptism, confirmation and initiatory in the Boise temple, and I wanted to finish it with her endowment in Salt Lake. I just cried on Kellen's shoulder, so sad, so frustrated that there he was, sitting in the chapel waiting, while I was already up there!
I returned to the dressing room to get dressed and leave and when the ladies saw me come back in they asked why I wasn't in the session. Well, that just made me cry alllll over again, and it seemed like they all hugged me. I felt like a total loser! I was a blubbering mess of tears and sadness telling them "this was for my mom! I have a 4 month old and I'm nursing and I can't wait for the 11 session. He won't last that long!"

They suggested that we do some sealings, and that way I could still see the celestial room and be able to be in the temple. So I meet up with Kellen in a sealing room, and I'm still crying. He tells me "let's do the 11, Gage will be fine, and if we don't do it your whole day will be ruined. You came here to do this, we have to go through."
Wow, could I be any more of a pain to those poor ladies in the dressing room? I showed up AGAIN telling them that now I'm going to do the 11 o'clock. They were all happy, though. That's the great thing about the temple, all those people really are just there to help you.
So, we did it. It was really nice. I was sitting in there and thought "I'm FINALLY in the Salt Lake Temple!" After YEARS of looking at it from the outside, I had finally gone in.
It was beautiful. I loved it. Every piece of artwork, every detail, from the carpet to the chairs, I thought it was all perfect.
My baby survived the separation (although, I was in a bit of pain by the time we were reunited...it had been almost 7 hours since I'd fed him!!) and I have no regrets. I did what I went to do, and now her work is done.

Best Utah trip ever.

Excitement - Whatever Wednesday

This weekend is taking FOREVER to get here. It's only Wednesday, and Monday and Tuesday both went so slow! Tomorrow is my husbands birthday :) He'll be 28. Wow. I keep teasing him that he's not 28, he's "almost 30"! He doesn't find it quite as funny as I do.
For his birthday we decided to take a weekend trip to Utah, just us and the baby. Our crazy 3 year old gets a 3 day sleepover! (Which means that when we get him back on Sunday afternoon, he will most likely be horrible from the super spoilage).
Our main purpose of the trip is so we can go to the Salt Lake Temple. This trip is important to us for several reasons, but one of the reasons is because I have always, always, always loved the Salt Lake Temple. For as long as I can remember, it's the temple I wanted to be married in. That obviously didn't happen, and we got married in the Idaho Falls Temple. So this will be our first time to go through Salt Lake, and I seriously can't wait.
Besides the temple, there will be shopping, hanging out with family, and eating. Lots of eating. PF Changs, Crown Burger, Nielsen's Custard (which just opened in Rexburg this week, woohoo!) and maybe Moochies Meatballs. There is a gryo place down there that we saw on Man vs. Food, and I love me a good gyro!
I can't wait. Hurry, Friday!

Spoiled - Whatever Wednesday

When I first married my husband, there was no way he could fall asleep if I was too close to him. And to be honest, I liked my space as well :)
Over the past months we have grown so much closer to each other because of things that we've had to go through together. Our choice was to either come together or go it alone. The choice was relatively easy, and it's safe to say we love each other more today than we did 6 months ago, and more than we did 4 years ago.
For awhile now, I have been falling asleep in my husbands arms. It's so odd, because 4 years ago there is no way we could have fallen asleep that close to each other.
It feels safe to me, it feels warm and it feels like home. I am grateful each night that I have him in my life. We even talked about it a few days ago, how strange it is that we can sleep that way now.
He spoils me. He tells me he loves me so much more now, and I can feel it. And I love it.
He found this song a few years ago and told me it was 'our song'. It truly is 'our song' now. (just um, disregard the random make out at the beginning...)
Our love has changed. At first, I didn't want those changes, I wanted things to stay how they had been. But it was for the better. He is truly my best friend, and I am so spoiled.

*ok, for the record, things aren't always perfect, but sometimes it's good to take a minute and reflect on how blessed we really are....

2nd Dose - Todder Tuesday

Ok, I seriously had no intentions of making two posts today...but how can I NOT blog about what just happened?

I had been nursing my baby in his room, and he had fallen asleep so I was trying to burp him. I assumed J, my ever trustworthy toddler, was doing something to keep busy...and then I heard the front door being unlocked. He has left the house several times, which worries and upsets me because I have told him and told him to NOT leave the house. I thought, well maybe he is just opening the front door and won't go out. Then I heard the storm door open and close. Great, I thought. He's gone.
I stood up with baby G, trying to be as gentle as possible so as to not wake him. I come around the corner from the hallway and see J disappear around the door. From the quick glimpse I caught of him I was able to assess that he had no pants on and no diaper on. He was wearing black tennis shoes (no socks), and an Incredibles t-shirt.
Yup. Naked from the waist down. And I had a baby in my arms and half of my shirt still up. I couldn't go out and get him without risking public nudity myself! Thankfully, and I have no idea why, he actually listened to me and ran in the house. I had to call the hubs and tell him about it, and he said I should have taken a picture. Yeah, right! My main concern was getting him in the house before he ran down the block!

Normally, this would upset me, possibly infuriate me, but today it just made me laugh. When he saw me watching him his eyes were huge and he looked like he was freezing out there. Perhaps the weather was a bit more chilly than he thought it was when he stripped off his diaper....

Fairy Tales - Toddler Tuesday

Last Friday, I had been watching highlights from the Royal Wedding (is that supposed to be capitalized...?). I said to J, "I want to be a princess..."
His response?
"But I don't want you to be a princess!" I asked him why not?
"Well, because I just want you to be a mommy."

Alright, little buddy, you get your wish this time :)